dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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