My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I touched a dick in church today
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
