4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
