I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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