Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
