i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
