So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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