I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
