i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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