My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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