I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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