i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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