none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Randomize
