You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
