I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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