i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
love makes seman taste better
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
