it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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