Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
