Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
