whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
