Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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