So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
