So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
