I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
