so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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