Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
