My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
