Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
