It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
