my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
