I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im six kinds of drunk right now
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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