I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
