I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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