I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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