I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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