Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
