What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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