Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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