i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
