Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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