so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
