Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
