can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dear god my vagina.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
