john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
