I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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