You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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