Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
