i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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