I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
