i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
