At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
