We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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