lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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