he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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