Im at strip club and am horny
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
