I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
