please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize