It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
