when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
