well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
