i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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