I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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