my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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